Zell's Pinstriped Blog, A New York Yankees Fan Blog

Now that we’ve all gorged ourselves on turkey, the holiday season can officially be declared as begun. And since it has become an American tradition to burn off the 5800 calories we consumed yesterday (seriously, I read that’s the typical American’s consumption on Thanksgiving) by racing around shopping malls when we’d normally be sleeping, I thought I’d put together a shopping list for the Yankees.

1. A muzzle for Hank, Hal, Brian and various player agents. Please, no more negotiating through the press. Keep your lips zipped and just sign the doggone contracts already.
2. For Mariano Rivera, a legitimate 8th inning reliever. It would be nice to get through the season without the need for a two inning save.
3. For Mark Teixeira, a baseball-resistant force field. I love the guy, but really. His two post-seasons thus far have been marred by freakish injuries.
4. For Joba Chamberlain, a set role. And a few less cheeseburgers wouldn’t hurt, either.
5. For Robbie Cano, the BBWAA to realize they miscounted the MVP votes and you actually won.
6. For Alex, Jorge and Derek; a season’s supply of water from the Fountain of Youth.
7. For Nick Swisher, to ignore all of those rumors about you being traded so the Yankees can sign Carl Crawford. You’ve earned your spot in right field.
8. For Andy Pettitte, permission from your family to play one more season. C’mon, Mrs. Pettitte – we really want Andy to come out and play!
9. For Joe Girardi, a new binder. Preferably one of those trick ones that won’t open unless you know the secret password.
10. For AJ Burnett, a really good psychiatrist.
11. For Jesus Montero, a copy of the Bronx Zoo. I suggest you read it carefully,  since it looks like your going to be here for a good long while.
12. For Brett Gardner, see #7 above.
13. For Curtis Granderson, see #12 above.
14. For Cliff Lee, a new pinstriped jersey. Oh, and the $150 million or so that comes with it.
15. For Yankee Fans, #28 in 2011!

Happy Holidays, Everyone!